Review – Immortals 3D (15) [2011]

Star Rating: 2.5/5

300 and Conan The Barbarian had much in common. Both were the ultimate guy’s film, with plenty of action, swordplay and spilt blood (and for women, there were hulking men with CGI-enhanced torsos). Immortals follows the same theme, just being an inferior version of the two aforementioned movies.

Theseus (Henry Cavill), all ripped and ready to throw himself into the thick of the action.

Set in Ancient Greece, the Heraklion King of Crete, Hyperion (Mickey Rourke – The Wrestler, Iron man 2, The Courier), is hell-bent on destroying the gods, since they failed to answer his prayers to save his family from illness. To do this he needs to unleash the Titans from Mount Tartarus. But he can only set them loose with the Epirus Bow. Yet, the bow is missing and only the gorgeous virgin oracle, Phaedra (Freida Pinto – Miral, Rise of the Planet of the Apes, Black Gold), knows of its location. Thus, King Hyperion marches upon the holy site where she dwells in order to extract the information.

En route, and almost simultaneously, Hyperion’s army pillages a small village where a young peasant, called Theseus (Henry Cavill – Red Riding Hood, The Tudors, Man of Steel) lives with his mother. Theseus has been trained since childhood by an ‘old man’ (John Hurt – Harry Potter I, VII(i) & VII(ii), Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy, In Love With Alma Cogan), who is really Zeus (Luke Evans – Clash of the Titans, Tamara Drewe, The Hobbit I & II) in human form, for a war that will make him immortal. Before long, only Theseus’s abilities will be the barrier between Hyperion and his awful ambitions.

The storyline is simple and easy to follow. One may not come out with a greater understanding of Ancient Greek societies (other than their belief in polytheism), and at 117 minutes Immortals might be a little long; nevertheless, one is unlikely to become bored during the movie. Like in 300 and Conan, it may not be intellectually stimulating. But there is more than enough fighting and bloodshed to keep viewers occupied, even if the combat and battle tactics appear very similar. (And what is it about this genre and men walking around and going into battle bare-chested?)

The beautiful Phaedra (Freida Pinto), dressed for a dinner-date, tending to Theseus’s wounds. Perhaps if he had worn some body armour, his injuries may have been avoided?

However, there is much that Immortals lacks in comparison to those other two films. First, it lacks the (far from subtle) political connotations of 300, entailing that the film has no hidden message (in fairness, nor does Conan). Second, the dialogue in Immortals might be less crude than in 300 and Conan, but it is more contrived, less amusing and more predictable, which never bodes well. (At least the dialogue in the atrocious Season of the Witch was so terrible it was funny!) Third, Immortals lacks the strong, massive main character that Gerard Butler and Jason Mamoa respectively portrayed, and which is needed in a film like this. Despite a muscular (and painted) six-pack, the relatively-small Henry Cavill gives a pitiful and unconvincing display as the hero, Theseus. This does not augur well for him, considering that his next major role is in the upcoming Superman film, wherein he plays the eponymous man of steel himself.

The rest of the cast, in the main, are no better. Worse, they all take their roles seriously, which exacerbates the poverty of their performances, to the extent of making the supporting cast in 300 look like professional warriors. The exception to this in Immortals is Mickey Rourke, since he takes his role as a joke. Consequently, Rourke comes out with some credit, as he puts across Hyperion’s shallowness character and incalculable cruelty well in equal measure. Although, the price Rourke pays is the risk of Hyperion becoming slightly pantomime, in a similar manner to Rodrigo Santoro as Emperor Xerxes in 300 or Stephen Lang as Khalar Zym in Conan. Not that it matters, since none of these movies can be taken remotely seriously.

King Hyperion (Mickey Rourke) pontificating to a defector, before inflciting inhumane cruelty upon him or her. If one looks carefully, one can see the scars over his left eye.

The acting in Immortals may be generally pathetic, but the film has some attributes that are not utterly terrible. The director, Tarsem Singh (The Cell, Mirror, Mirror), has put the movie together smoothly; the music may not be memorable, but it is still fitting for the scenes; and just like with 300 and Conan, one doubts how much of the background sceneries are real in Immortals, but the special effects are quite decent (even if the 3D is virtually non-existent).

On the whole, even those who like the genre may well be disappointed with Immortals. The film may have some worthwhile CGI and combat scenes; nevertheless, one is more likely to go away remembering the weak acting and dialogue. In short, Immortals is just a poor man’s 300 and Conan The Barbarian.

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4 responses to “Review – Immortals 3D (15) [2011]

  1. I enjoyed immortals for what it was. I liked it for the action, and for the visual appeal. The lead actor did a pretty good job with what he had to work with, but I felt that the story just didn’t come together like I was hoping. But the movie ended up being just what I expected.

    I went in to the movie expecting to see some good action scenes. After seeing the trailer around ten times or more I knew I would enjoy the action, the slow motion sequences and the visual style in general. My friend told me that the lead actor was actually the boy in the count of monte cristo with jim caviezel. I found that bit of trivia interesting.

    I thought mickey rourke did well in his portrayal as the bad guy but I must admit there wasn’t a lot of depth to him(not mickey rourke’s fault). He played the ruthless tough bad guy pretty good I thought, with plenty of grunts and gruesome acts. So the build up to his show down with theseyus was pretty fun to watch. But for much of the movie he’s sitting around trying to extract information from people or giving orders to underlings.

    Now the gods from olympus I found very interesting. They have special powers of course and look down on events from mount olympus. In my opinion if the movie focused on the gods and their intervention into human affairs it would make for a much more interesting movie. Especially considering how zeus responds to certain actions that made by others in this movie.

    In my opinion if you want to see some pretty cool looking action sequences, especially during the end then go see this movie. But be warned this is not an epic war movie in the vain of 300, troy or even something like kingdom of heaven. This movie will slow down, sometimes agonizingly slow. But if you like seeing movies with greek mythology(or greek mythology like elements) than you will probably enjoy this movie.

    Hopefully someone will come along and build off of the things that immortals and clash of the titans does right, then we will truly be in for something special.

    p.s. I also liked your comment about if he had worn some body armor maybe he wouldn’t have ad as many injuries lol….gotta love style over substance.

  2. Very useful blog. Keep up the good work.

  3. It was a excitement locating your site yesterday. I came here right hoping to learn something new. And I was not dissatisfied. Your well thought out ideas for new events like this. Thank you for this idea and sharing your knowledge.

  4. I don’t know what you are talking about. IMMORTALS rocked! Cavill was awesome as the hero. In fact I would argue he embodies the archetype perfectly. Also the Conan reboot was utter trash.

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